“The Passion Test” helped me to really look at all the things I wanted out of my life and helped me to prioritize which ones were the most important to me.  It is a simple and easy method to identifying your passions and creating the life you want.

“The Four Agreements” is about achieving personal freedom and discovering your authentic self.

1.     Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity.  Say only what you mean.  Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or  to    gossip about others.  Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.
 
2.     Don’t Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.

3.     Don’t Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want.  Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama.  With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4.     Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick.  Under any circumstance, simple do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

Using both of these books helped me to begin the process of figuring out what I wanted and set the criteria for my making decisions.   Were my actions, plans, opportunities taking me towards my passions and what I wanted to create in my life or away from it? 

Was my perception of what I thought others would think holding me back?  Was I trusting my inner voice or worrying about how others were going to accept my choices?  Releasing myself from the judgment of others, as well as myself helped me to move forward with achieving my dreams.

I hope you will read both of these books and give me your insights on what you thought and how they helped you in creating the lifestyle you deserve.

Laugh LOTS and Live BIG!
Debbie

But, then again, I heard of people going back to college in their 40’s, 50’s and even 60’s to pursue their dreams, so maybe time wasn’t a pressure factor after all. 

So, I stopped and wondered how many of us make decisions based on how old we are?  What other people may think of us? Or maybe we what we feel others expectations are of us? 

How many times do we make excuses instead of decisions?

Excuses:
I can’t because I am too old?
I can’t because I do not have the time?
I can’t because I do not have the money?
I can’t because……

What I discovered is these are all excuses! In order to break away from the excuses in my life, I needed to release myself from needing the acceptance of others when what I wanted to do was different, the approval of others that my decisions were right, and the fear of things that were holding me back from accomplishing my dreams. I also needed to learn to trust my inner voice.

What excuses are you holding on to? What dreams do you truly want? What fears and beliefs are holding you back from taking action on them?

More thoughts in Part II of How Do You Make Decisions?

Laugh Lots and Live Big!
Debbie

I am not one that looks “backwards,” but moves forward and this is part of the struggle for me — looking back where I was and how I got here.

While I think it is important to look backwards in a manner of self-reflection and gaining perspective, doing so to connect with those feelings of where I was is not something that is easy for me.  But, connecting to those feelings will help me with writing my journey from my heart – not my head!

I am a positive thinker, always see the glass half full (even see it ¾ full) I take action, move forward, but this was a time in my life, that I gave into having a pity party for myself – wallowing in grief, and fighting changes that were out of my control, and learning to let go and be okay with that.

So, the first step in self-discovery is giving yourself permission to go down the wrong road, knowing that sometimes you must do that in order to know which is the right road!  There are no mistakes, only lessons to be learned!

Laugh LOTS and Live BIG!
Debbie

If I am “seeing” and focusing on the challenges in my business/life and what is not working then how does that affect my productivity, decision making, or enjoyment of my work/life?

What if I relook at the situation and “see” and focus on what is working, how well things are going, which things I am managing well, and what I have to be grateful for?  How does that affect my energy, well-being, and enjoyment? 

My friend, Heidi was fixing her doorknob with a screwdriver, then the door came open and she fell forward onto the screwdriver.  Ouch! It hit her eye, just barely missing her cornea.   She called me to tell me how bad her luck was and how nothing was going right lately in her life. 

I told her how blessed I thought she was.  She couldn’t understand how I could see the situation that way, “Blessed, how?” was her response.  I explained how I saw her as being so blessed because the screwdriver missed her cornea.  She could have fallen to where the screwdriver had damaged her cornea and her eyesight was damaged for life.

Changing my perspective was really powerful for me when dealing with the changes that was happening in my life.

Today, I now continually “relook” at situations and check in with myself.  Because, it is all about perspective and how you CHOOSE to look at things.  It is a choice – and you decide!  Do you choose to see the positive in situations or the negative?

I felt “lost.”  But, how could I be lost?  I still had my husband, my daily life, routine — the only thing different was that my children now lived somewhere else.  

I didn’t know what to do with myself.  Where my house used to always be neat, orderly, and everything ran like a well oiled machine – it was now messy, unorganized, and I just couldn’t get it together.

I was building my Virtual Assistant practice and it was going very well – I poured myself into my work and neglected the house, my husband, and my children.  Well, neglect is really a strong word.  I didn’t neglect them, they just weren’t the first thing I focused on anymore – they were also adjusting, but I was too busy trying to “reinvent” myself to notice.  I was too busy to notice that I had also stopped taking care of myself.  My weight was out of control, I was no longer exercising or even eating healthy – life was starting to fall apart.

I’m not exactly sure the moment I realized life wasn’t working for me anymore, but things were about to change! 

My Aunt Jan told me to prepare for them leaving because even though this is part of life, it is a hard part.  She told me to find something for me that had nothing to do with my children.  It would help me during those really rough days.

But, how do you really prepare for this?  I trusted my Aunt Jan, as she had already gone through this, but what was I going to do for me?  I hadn’t worked outside the home for over 17 years!  I didn’t have a hobby and I knew that I didn’t want to get a job and leave the house for 40 hours a week when there was so little time left to spend with my children.  I was told, this was my time!  Time to do something new!

I thought if I talked about my children moving, helped my oldest son find the perfect apartment, talked about how things would change, really embraced this next season of my life it would be easier and I was accepting this change — or so I thought.

Nothing, absolutely nothing could have prepared me for the pure raw emotion that over took me.  I was lost, who was I if not a mom?  Intellectually, I knew I was still a mom, but my role as a mom was changing, plus I no longer knew who I was as a woman.

I don’t think anything really prepares you for the day your children leave, even with hearing that “this too shall pass” and “you are not alone.”  Even though at times this may help to ease the pain, honestly, there will still be those days and those moments that seem unbearable.

It has been 7 years now since my oldest son, Rhys moved out on his own.  My youngest, Chad for the most part is gone.  He does comes home on the weekends from college.  I like to believe it is to see me, but his girlfriend is the first one on his list these days.  My daughter, Heather moved out in-between the boys.  

Feathering Your Empty Nest is my journey of saying good-bye and “letting go” to one season of my life and rediscovering the woman I am.  In sharing my journey, my hope is to help those that are going through this thing they call “Empty Nest Syndrome,” so you do not feel so alone and lost, and to provide guidance and steps to help you find the woman you are!  It can be a wonderful time of your life!